I’ve always had it in my mind that staying and living with Shekinah in Turkey is important, but eventually, I have to tell her that I really don’t want to go to the U.S. It’s interesting how people often withhold important information, waiting for the “right” moment. The truth is, people rarely find that perfect time, and sometimes, waiting actually causes more trouble.
When you know something that needs to be shared, you should say it right then and there. Mood doesn’t matter; just make it happen. It’s like when you see someone you’re interested in—maybe at the supermarket—but you think, “Oh, today isn’t the right time; maybe next time.” But how do you know there will be a next time? You don’t know if they’ll be in a better mood then or look more approachable.
Imagine you’re a parent, and you promised to take your child to a theme park for their birthday. If something happens that means you can’t go, you should tell them as soon as you find out. Same with any plans—whether with a partner, a friend, or anyone else. The point is, waiting for the perfect time is a flawed mindset. If there’s no specific reason to wait, why are you waiting?
Another example is marriage. I’ve been married before, about 14 years ago, and it wasn’t for the right reasons. Sometimes, people marry due to family pressure or to meet societal expectations. But if your family truly cares about you, they would support you waiting until you are ready for that commitment. Otherwise, it can lead to regret and unhappiness.
In my past marriage, things quickly turned sour. Family pressure can make people take paths they’re not truly invested in, like marriage, children, or even career choices. And if that pressure is about changing you or “fixing” you, the results are often disappointing. Like now, there’s a belief that if I propose to Shekinah and have a big Turkish wedding, she’ll want to stay here in Turkey. But marriage alone isn’t a solution. It doesn’t magically fix relationship issues or make someone commit to a lifestyle they aren’t interested in.
Marriage should not be used to solve deeper issues. What can help a relationship is honest, serious discussion and planning. If you can’t communicate well with someone or agree on a plan, you shouldn’t be with them. And if you can’t even have a basic conversation about the future, there’s no foundation for a relationship.
